Time is a precious commodity for a working mom, and is even more precious when she is single as well. Most moms deeply love their children, but are their children feeling that love?
As a working mother of five, I had noticed that even though we did things together – attending their sports games, watching TV, outings like putt-putt, shopping, bicycling, eating, etc., I was not always receiving the positive responses I wished to have. There seemed to be unnecessary quarreling, interruptive behavior, unkind comments, and a little thread of sibling jealousy that appeared at times. I did some researching and decided to implement a change by committing to spending alone time with each child every evening. I had read and heard that children long more for their parent’s time than the things they buy or give them. A commitment such as this with my already hectic schedule felt huge, which I feel sure you completely understand. What I chose to do was this: reading to the younger ones, talking with the older ones, became a good listener, helping with homework, praying together, and always kissing them and saying “I love you” regardless of what had occurred that day. No TV, no music, only us. Sometimes we’d have group story-time, but mostly it was individual quality time. Whether it was 10 minutes or 30 minutes each, it was on the agenda and rarely omitted.
Perhaps you’re thinking right now about all your nightly tasks – fixing dinner, doing the wash, preparing clothes for the next day, exercising, chauffeuring to and from activities, cleaning the kitchen. Instead, give your kids the K.P. duty, put in wash before beginning alone time rounds and change to the dryer in between. Try carpooling for the to-and-from obligations, freeing you some evenings. It’s all about priorities. Many times it took much of my evening. Sometimes the wash was left until the next day or I gave up some sleep to complete it before I retired, but the rewards outweighed any “sacrifice” I thought I had made.
Here are some suggestions to help you find the individualized time for your children:
* Decide this is important – a necessary part to make the commitment doable. * Look forward to it and envision yourself enjoying it before you implement it. I can promise you your kids will read right through any faking on your part. * Focus on each child’s good qualities instead of those less desirable ones. * Prepare extra food on your day off or on weekends and freeze for a busy day meal. Don’t succumb to the fast food quick fix as this food is unhealthy and doesn’t provide nutrients necessary for raising healthy children. * Allow your children the privilege of helping with family obligations…it will teach them teamwork and the importance of working together. (I taught all my children, boys and girls, how to iron their clothes by first grade. Big help as they tended to toss their clothes in disorderly array, causing me much frustration. Doing their own ironing made a huge change and later the girls often earned money from helping their brothers who preferred paying for the service than doing it themselves – mutual benefits!) * When evening alone time is impossible, use every moment you can when alone with your child – driving places, take them to a meal alone where you can talk with them, take a walk together (accomplishes two things – exercise and alone time!) * Ask your child what he/she would like to do with you. Let this child know how special they are and that you want to spend time with him/her. * Do activities together – shoot baskets, hit tennis balls, roller skate if you dare – whatever works.
Anything is achievable with desire and recognition of value. My children are my greatest gift. Each one of them are different and unique as they have always been. They are grown now - twenties and thirties - but we often reflect back on our shared times. They remember that I made time for them individually which made them feel special, even if my day had been tiring and overwhelming. My reward is five wonderful friends of my adult children, not measurable by any earthly standards. We continue to do many things together harmoniously - not an easy feat for many families in modern times. Give your children their most precious gift – you! After all, love is all that really matters.
Mom – it is important to take time to appreciate you so I invite you to www.drcarolynporter.com for ways to uplift, encourage, revitalize and enlighten you. You are worth it!
**presently on Amazon.com
About The Author
Carolyn Porter, D. Div., is a mother of five children and has learned the importance of spending time with each child. Her children are grown, but her time with her children has created five wonderful friends. Carolyn is also an Inspirational Speaker, Author of multiple books and audios, Trainer, Spiritual Wholeness Coach and Energy Facilitator.
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